So nobody's heard from Kim since Monday, and we're getting a little concerned since they were supposed to get the phone hooked up Tuesday and she said she was going to call my parents, but, as I said, has not. We've tried calling their alleged number at all hours of the day to no avail. We just get voice mail, which is more encouraging than a message saying we've called a nonworking number, but still, nobody ever answers. We're thinking maybe for some silly-ass reason they haven't plugged the phone in, or perhaps the ringer is turned down or off, but again, as I said, she was supposed to call by now. And she also said that she and Charles were going to my parents' house on Saturday to pick up some of their stuff. Maybe she'll call Mom & Dad tomorrow to talk about the Saturday visit, but it's too late now. I've tracked down their neighbors & said neighbors' phone number, and I'm calling those neighbors tomorrow as soon as I wake up and get some coffee in me to ask them to leave a note for Ms. Kim asking - no, telling - her to call me or my parents. And if she and Charles are embarrassed, TOO DAMN BAD! Maybe they'll learn the importance of keeping in touch with easily-worried family members.

In other news - damn, there isn't any other news.

Sometimes anger is a good thing. I wish it was a good thing more often, since I seem to be angry all the time these days, but at least Sunday it made me a bit productive. I got so mad yet again about having 50,000 boxes crammed into closets and put in the garage without having been sorted through when we moved A YEAR AGO that I actually threw a bunch of crap out, found three (small) things to put in a garage sale (that we may or may not have, but at least it was mentioned), and made a little more space in one of the downstairs closets. Not a big victory, but a victory nonetheless.

In other news, we trucked our collective ass and a washer and dryer to Akron last Wednesday to help Kim and Charles move their stuff into the new house. All things considered, it well a hell of a lot better than I had expected. It was hella hot (ha ha, I love you Jeff) and they had an amazing amount of stuff to be taken upstairs and I went too long without a rest, but that's OK. And I cut my leg on the corner of a dresser drawer, so now I have a big red cut with a big purple bruise all around it, but that's OK too.

Skipping on over to yet another topic, I have some advice to all my friends who have children, who are pregnant, or who are even thinking about having children: Do not, under any circumstances, let your child harass your childless neighbors. Especially your childless neighbors who work late and therefore sleep late and who have told you that they have no desire to have children at the moment because their animals are plenty to handle right now, thankyouverymuch.

You see, we have this problem. I apparently was too nice when the people next door moved in and did not set boundaries about when it's OK for the little boy to come over and play with the dog. Now, whenever it's nice outside and I'm out with Rusty, he's in my yard, in my face, in the dog's face. We're not talking every now and then, we're talking 95% of the time.

This little boy is only 5, so I have to hold the dog the entire time the boy is in reach, and that dog is really strong, so it's difficult at times. And it doesn't matter how many times I tell him he needs to stay in his yard so Rusty doesn't jump on him and hurt him, it doesn't matter how many times his mom says it, he just heads on over.

It used to be that when I would tell him to get back over in his yard, he'd look at me and say, "What?" like I had just spewed a bunch of gibberish. His new thing is to look at me and say, "I know" and then proceed to climb up on my porch or rile the dog up. A couple days ago I told him that he needed to go back in his yard so he didn't get hurt and he said, "I know," then climbed up on my porch, grabbed a ball and said, "Rusty likes to play ball" and then threw the ball into the yard. That's when I said, "OK, we're going in now, you need to go home."

Yeah, that's my new tactic. As soon as he steps foot across that imaginary threshold, we go inside.

It's gotten to the point where I have to try to sneak outside to let Rusty take a shit and then sneak back inside without being seen, which is difficult since there's only like three feet between the houses.

I also greatly enjoy it when I'm in the garage looking for something and I look up at the house to check on the dog, and guess who's there. The worst part (with my being in the garage away from them, but also with the whole situation in general) is that I don't think mom is paying attention, thereby making me responsible if the little angel falls down, gets pushed down by the dog, whatever. I'm sorry, but I gave up babysitting more than a decade ago, and I don't have the time or desire to keep an eye on this boy. I want to be able to sit outside and do crossword puzzles in the sun, waiting for the dog to pee on the side of the porch, in peace.

Any suggestions?



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OK, here's the Sugar Puddin' story, as promised.

I was outside with the dog when I heard someone say, "Oh my god no! Get back here!" Rusty ran to the side of the house, so I thought it was the boy with the dog that runs loose, being scared because I've threatened to call the dog warden the next time that dog gets anywhere near Rusty. I went to the side of the house, no boy, no dog. I realized it was Dave that had said it, and that he was upstairs.

Then Dave says, "Dani! Sugar's on the roof!" Well, that's not a good thing! Luckily though, it's a flat roof so she didn't go skidding down anywhere. I backed up into the yard so that I could see the window where Dave was, and I see Sugar scrambling to get back in the window. She couldn't get a foothold, so Dave pulled her back in.

Turns out, Dave was upstairs working and had the window open. Sugar is a big fan of sitting in open windows. She's also a big fan of standing on her back legs to reach things between the window and the screen. There was a little hole in the screen, so we figure she was stretching up to play with the torn part, leaned too hard on the screen and fell out.

Dave said she was darting back and forth on the roof, looking over the side, trying to figure out what to do. Apparently she decided that even though she's a very good jumper, she's not good enough to make it through that landing.

I'm sure this story would have been much more amusing had I told it when it happened, as it was fresher, but that's life. Between being grouchy and not feeling like getting online and Dave hogging the computer when I do feel like blogging ... well, obviously, not a lot of posts. I'll try to do better, I promise!

I think my life is about to get easier. I have finally figured out that what I say really doesn't matter. This explains why, whether I'm having a civil conversation or screaming obscenities, it all goes in one ear and out the other. For all these years, I've been under the impression that my thoughts and opinions carried some weight, but they don't. Therefore, I no longer have to bother carrying on any sort of meaningful conversation with anyone. I can just say "uh-huh" or repeat "flibbitigibbit" over and over, and it won't make a bit of difference either way. Won't that be so much easier?

Don't worry, I'll most likely explain next time, not that it'll matter.


While I don't feel like telling the Sugar Puddin' story right now, I will tell you that my trip to BG a couple weeks ago was wasted, as Kim & Charles are moving to Akron. But that's OK, because they'll still be closer, and nothing I would have said to them would have mattered to them, either.

Guess what I'm doing today, as soon as I get my lazy ass in the shower? I'm heading up to BG to look for housing for ... my sister! I'll tell the story later, but the short version is there's a good chance that she & Charles will be moving up to northwest Ohio! Holy crap!

I will also tell the story of Sugar Puddin's big adventure later, if I remember.

OK, the serious dieting must begin, and the reason is threefold (as was the purpose of Chandler being in the box on Thanksgiving on "Friends," but I digress).
1. My 10-year high school reunion is this summer. I'd like to look really good, but I'll settle for decent.
2. We're going on vacation to the Outer Banks with my in-laws in June. See second sentence of No. 1.
3. I'm just tired of being fat and depressed.

In other news, I think I'm getting sick. I'm pretty sure I'm going to wake up with a full-blown cold, which makes me very unhappy. I keep hoping maybe it's just my sinuses since it was so nice and warm today after the evilness and cold, but I think it's just a pipe dream.

In news not related to me whatsoever, Johnny Cochran died, so he is now burning in hell for repeatedly getting murderers and other bad seeds acquitted.

And speaking of people going to hell, I hear Jerry Falwell's in the hospital again. They say he's clinically stable but critically ill, so we'll just have to wait and see.

Either the house is extremely hot right now, or my sinus problems are causing me to run a fever. Either way, I feel like I'm having a heat stroke and going outside doesn't help because I just get overheated as soon as I come back inside! Bleh.

I haven't been able to post because Dave keeps hogging the computer, but that's OK because I don't have much to say right now.

I discovered this morning -- yes, I'm awake waaay before noon and I'm not happy about it (thank you sinuses) -- that we only have four more payments on the car! Woo-hoo! I was planning on getting rid of the bitch as soon as it's paid off and get a shiny new used convertible, but I think we should probably hold off on that. :( If we ever want to buy a house, we've got to save some money somehow.

Ah, Rascal Flatts is on the radio. I need to get their CDs. Did you know that Gary LeVox of Rascal Flatts graduated from my high school? Yeah, I didn't know that until a year or two ago, so don't feel bad if you didn't know. :)

OK, off to surf the Web.


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Three products I love right now:

1. Oil of Olay's body wash with shea butter for severely dry skin. I always have such dry skin in the winter that every day after I shower I make Dave put lotion on my back, otherwise I'd be itchy all day and my skin would hurt where my bra hit. Then I got a coupon at Meijer for this body wash, so I decided to try it. Since I started using it, I haven't needed the lotion. Woo-hoo! And it smells nice, which is a bonus.

2. Pantene shampoo. I noticed my hair was, I guess you could say kind of gummy, and it was grossing me out. It was like I couldn't get the shampoo washed out, and it was hard to brush, and I could hardly even run my fingers through my hair when it was dry. I switched to Pantene, and I have my nice silky hair back. Woo-hoo!

3. Orville Redenbacher's Cinnabon popcorn. That's right, I said Cinnabon, just like you see at the mall. It's cinnamon popcorn, and then you drizzle the icing all over the popped corn. Mmmmmmmmmmm

And no, sadly, I'm not being paid to say these things. Although I wouldn't object to it.

Now I'm really pissed! The mysteriously disappearing post was there when I posted the second one. This is getting extremely tiresome, playing "Guess Which Post Is Really Going To Post." Ah, now I'm just seeing how many times I can use the word post.

Hey Blogger, I'm getting really fucking tired of losing a post every time I try to post! I guess I need to start copying everything before I try and post it so I can go back and paste it in when it refuses to post.

To briefly go over what I TRIED to say a few minutes ago, either I'm retarded or Ohio's government Web site sucks, because I can't find information about online business rules or vendor's licenses.

The cover of "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" has been released. It doesn't seem to be as detailed as previous covers, but what the hell do I know.

Here we go...Oh, as soon as I copy this post.

Add Ohio to list of things that piss me off - oh wait, it's already on that list. We'll just bump it up to the top! Why is it that I can't find any information about the state's rules for online businesses on the state's Web site? I know there are online businesses based in Ohio, and I'm sure you have to have some kind of vendor's license, but I can't find a damned thing about it. Maybe I'm just too sleepy, I dunno. I just don't want to have to call down to Columbus and get put on hold for who knows how long. Bleh.

But on a cheery note, in case you haven't heard, the cover for "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" has been released. Doesn't seem very detailed, pretty much just Dumbledore and Harry seemingly staring into a smoking pillar. As always, I'm sure it will make sense once the book has been read, which will be by the end of July 17, the day it comes out! Just over four months! Woo-hoo!

OK, I'm off to try and research online business some more.

This thing is pissing me off. I just spent half an hour trying to get that post to publish and then it was there twice so I tried to delete it but it kept showing up twice. Wonder how long this one will take.

Man oh man, do I ever hate that bitch. I was hoping she'd ... hmmm methinks I shouldn't say what I was hoping. But here's an example of why I hate her:


NEW YORK (AP) — Fighting back tears at times, Martha Stewart told cheering employees on her first day back at work Monday that prison was a life-changing experience that made her realize her company may have been out of touch with ordinary Americans. YA THINK?

Dressed in a chocolate-brown suit and pumps, Stewart addressed her employees from a stage where a simple bouquet of yellow daffodils sat in a glass vase atop a stool. Behind her were giant posters of her magazine’s April cover with a photo of daffodils and a headline appropriate for the day: "Just in time for Spring."

"I love all of you from the bottom of my heart — I’m really glad to be home," she said, choking up at the end of her speech. Afterward, she stepped off stage and embraced co-workers one by one. AW, ISN'T SHE WONDERFUL?

Stewart, 63, told the employees that she "learned a great deal about our country" in meeting a cross-section of Americans at the federal women’s prison at Alderson, W.Va. She said that her experience would lead to changes at her homemaking empire that would make it more accessible to ordinary people.

"We’re going to engage and inspire new readers and new viewers for whom these topics may have seemed alien, unfamiliar or even — believe it or not — superficial," she said. SUPERFICIAL? NO, NEVER! AND SURELY NOT UNATTAINABLE FOR WOMEN WHO HAVE JOBS OTHER THAN SITTING AROUND ALL DAY THINKING OF DOILY DESIGNS!

The company was perhaps too focused on the technical aspects of entertaining and cooking, she said, and not enough on why people need to nurture and take care of each other.

"Starting now, we must communicate not only the how-to that we’ve been so proud of, but also the why," she told the group gathered at the Manhattan offices of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia, overlooking the Hudson River.

She also held up the gray and white poncho she wore when she left prison Friday. She said it did not come from a fancy store, but was crocheted by a fellow inmate, with yarn from the commissary.

"The night before I left, she handed me this ... and said, ‘Wear it in good health,’" Stewart said. "I hope she is reading the news and looking at television because I’m so proud of her."

The company’s new chief executive and president, Susan Lyne, introduced Stewart to a standing ovation as "your teacher, my inspiration, our founder." I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE, I'M GOING TO VOMIT


Yeah, there was more to the article, but I just couldn't stand it. I hate her and her stupid man hands.

On a lighter note, and seemingly contrary to the above rant, I spent much of the weekend making curtains for the living room and spare room, and for the window at the bottom of the stairs. But you know what? They're not fancy-schmancy curtains with swags and lace and all that crapola. They're rectangles of material hemmed around the edges to keep the light and neighbors out. And I'm proud of them, even if they are plain and simple. Wanna see 'em? OK, go here.

Next up, the bedroom and office curtains! And then the world! OK, maybe not.

Oh, one more thing: "Monty Python's Spamalot" on Broadway. That's all I have to say.

It's nice to find like-minded people. It helps me not feel guilty about the way I feel about things.

Eh, so it's not the next day or during daylight hours, but at least it's not two weeks later. Really not much to tell anyway. A general lack of sleep, a general grouchiness, a general despair that our house will never look like two adults with real jobs live here but will always look like college frat boys live here - you know, the usual stuff.

The threat of a full moon has once again taken its wacky toll on Mojo. He had a strange fascination with Rusty's ear - the inside of it - over the weekend, and tonight he went from sitting on the chair to doing a u-turn run on the chair before dashing off like the devil was on his tail. Speaking of which, I had a dream that part of Mojo's tail broke off, kind of like how a tree branch breaks off. There wasn't any blood, just some snot-looking stuff that could have been slobber gobs from Rusty. It was a very weird dream.

And those, boys and girls, are the highlights. Unless you want to hear about all the cleaning I did this weekend, which I'm pretty sure you don't.

Hmmm, I forgot to check on this new comments thing. Let's see how it works.

So check this out: I'm blogging on high-speed cable Internet! Woo-hoo! Got it on Monday, but I've been too busy playing stupid online games at the speed of light - OK, at the speed of cable - to blog. But here I am, with pretty much nothing to say.

It's about 3:30 a.m. and I wanted to get on here sooner, but after showing Dave the Shatnerology Web site (yes, as in William Shatner) and Dave showing me how speedy this new hook-up is, Dave decided to go back to the very beginning of The Cat's Ass and read all the way up to the present. I told him that maybe if he read this even once a week he wouldn't need so much time to go through it, but I don't think he was listening. There was only one thing I was embarrassed for him to read, and it was my rant about wanting to buy a house. Oh well, it's how I felt, so tough!

Went to the dentist today, and we're all done with fillings - at least for now. Thank goodness! I had an awful lot of trouble drinking my coffee when I got home, due to the numbness, and managed to spit out a mouthful of coffee instead of swallowing it. Not pretty. Amusing, but definitely not pretty.

And speaking of the dentist, Have I mentioned that I now have dental insurance? Well, Dave does anyway, and I'm covered too, and it's some pretty good coverage. Now if somebody would just give us vision coverage, we'd be all set...

Well, that's about it. I'm just not in a writing mood, so maybe more tomorrow - and maybe during daylight since the phone won't be tied up anymore!!

I just had Dave dig out his copy of HTML 4 Dummies, and I'm already intimidated. It's an awfully thick book for a dummy to read. But I'm gonna read it, even if it takes me months and months to get through and actually understand. Then I'll actually have a reason to buy a domain name for my little pet project and find someone to host the site and all that jazz (which I've already gotten some info about that from SupaMB, so I'm a little ahead of things on that front).

Anyway, we went out to dinner with Joy and Rodney Saturday night and then went back to Rodney's place for a little pop culture Trivial Pursuit. An all-around fun-filled evening, I must say! We're going to have to have them over to our house for an evening of Saturday Night Live Trivial Pursuit, I do believe. I love the way they're doing the playing pieces with the TP games now. All 3-D items/people and shit, and if you accidentally knock one over, the pies don't go flying out - a big improvement. It takes so very little to make me happy.

Well, that's all. I need to go e-mail MB and harass her with more site questions and then I think I may play some games. I'm just not sure I can tackle that dummies book tonight.

Happy 2005, everyone! So much to tell, so little desire to type, but here goes.

Went to Pennsylvania for Christmas, and had a nice visit with the in-laws. Had to leave a day late because of the huge-ass snowstorm the day before we were supposed to leave. The roads were just fine all the way out though, so it turned out OK. Got to see pretty much everyone, bonded a little with my sister-in-law which I really enjoyed, and had an all around good time.

Spent New Year's Eve with the Stephensons. They made dinner, we took bread dip and games. We ate, drank, played Beyond Balderdash, gorged ourselves on bread dip, drank, and played euchre, all while watching Sci-Fi channel's Twilight Zone marathon (most of which is our New Year's tradition - Beyond Balderdash was a new addition). Again, an all around good time.

New Year's Day - not such a good time. I woke up around noon and thought it was a little chilly downstairs so I turned up the heat. Then I actually looked at the temperature, which was around 60 degrees, and said to myself, "Oh shit." When the furnace fan refused to kick on after I cranked the thermostat up to like 90, I said to myself, "Oh SHIT!" Then I woke Dave up, and we made lots of phone calls and eventually the furnace go fixed on Wednesday. Yes, Wednesday. That's about 4 1/2 without heat. Luckily New Year's Day wasn't too cold, and we found our space heater and borrowed a space heater from one of my co-workers. We were able to get the downstairs up to almost 70 each night before we went to bed, and it usually only dropped down to about 60 during the night.

So that takes us up to Jan. 5. On Jan. 7 we found out that Dave's grandpa, my mother-in-law's father, had passed away that morning, so we went back out to PA the next Tuesday night for the funeral Wednesday morning in N.J. After sleeping from about 4:30 p.m. Wednesday to about 9:30 a.m. Thursday, we went back to N.J. to see Dave's grandma, who had been pretty much in a coma for a few months and had Alzheimer's. She passed away Friday afternoon around 4, which we were there for, having never gone back to my in-laws' house from the Thursday visit. We left Saturday afternoon and got back Saturday night. It was a pretty rough week, but Dave seems to be doing OK now.

So that pretty much brings us to now. We started doing Weight Watchers, which we didn't follow while we were in PA/NJ, but we're back on it. As of right now I've lost about five pounds, which isn't much but it's encouraging. We were going to go to my parents' house today to celebrate my mom's birthday, but since it's snowing and is supposed to snow a whole big crappy bunch, we pushed it back to next weekend. Maybe I'll actually be productive today and clean the house and shit, but I kind of doubt it.

I was going to end this with a nasty comment about this being the Roe v. Wade anniversary, but I think all I'm going to say is go thank your mother for giving you life.

I am such a scrooge this year - I can't even begin to guess how many times I've muttered/said/shouted "I hate Christmas" or some variation on that in the last month or so. I'm sick of fighting crowds in stores and sitting in a parking lot just waiting to get in or out (or into the Bob Evans parking lot) and being told "I'm sorry, we don't have that, but we can special order it" and having people look at me like I'm retarded when I ask about an item and driving all over the frigging state (or into Michigan) to go to a certain store. I'll tell you what, whoever gets a gift from us this year had better act like it's the best gift they ever got, or there's going to be some serious problems.

Speaking of gifts, I've been making gifts for a couple people (which also has caused me great frustration at times, but I'll get over it) and I had a most foul experience Saturday night while working on these projects. I was all settle in on the couch, crafting away, with Sugar Puddin' curled up on the back of the couch and Rusty curled up on the floor at my feet, both of them asleep. All was good until the most horrific stink wafted up from the dog. It was so awful I couldn't even concentrate on what I was doing ... he gassed me out of the family room! I had to leave because trying to fan it away wasn't working, and you can only hold your breath so long before you have to breathe again. It just amazes me how much more awful dog (and cat) farts are than human farts.

Dave and I are going to create a "Things Heard at Work That are Never Good" list, or maybe a "Things I Never Want to Hear at Work Again" list, something along those lines. If you've got something, e-mail it to me and we'll add it. I'm not sure where it'll end up, but it'll probably be somewhere on the site. You'll just have to wait and see.